Pre Eclampsia

Since i got pregnant, i kept worrying about not gaining to much weight and i feared getting gestational diabetes. Many weeks went on and i cant say pregnancy has been bad like others say and complain about. But in April, i did start to see things changing. I would wake up feeling so awful, my heart would be pounding, i felt light headed, weak, no energy, like if i was going to faint if i didnt lay down. On top of that, i would get a pain around the middle of my chest area in the same spot that was pretty sharp. i would feel it if i would get up, sit, sneeze, cough, but it would only last a few seconds. On April 22nd, i had a monthly doctor check up. I went alone since i thought like all other appointments, i would be in and out in no time. Luis was at work, no need for him to go to the doctor with me for a quick visit. i had  my blood pressure checked but i wasnt told what the number was. When i saw my doctor, i mentioned to her how i had been feeling for the past 2 weeks and also mentioned my pain. She said it could be gall bladder but that she had seen my blood pressure was high, that it was better i went to labor and delivery for a ultrasound, if all was well, i could go home that same day. i left the  clinic and went to labor and delivery but first i called luis to tell him what was going on. i was scared so i started crying, he assured me he would be on his way to meet up with me. Within minutes, i was in a room, given scrubs and was told to pee in a cup. Perhaps 15-20 min into everything, Luis was by my side. I had an ultrasound done of my kidney, lungs, another ultrasound to check my heart and another for baby. Few hours into it, doctor came in and told us they had found protein in my urine, that i needed to stay for 24 hours to check for pre eclampsia but if all was well, we could go home the following day. That night,  mom and Luis stayed with me, mom was going to leave but i needed her there that night. I went in for a regular dr check up and here i was in the hospital with protein in my urine, high blood pressure numbers and having no idea what the heck everything meant. The next day, finally the 24 hrs test was done and we needed to wait for all results. that afternoon, i had my parents and luis with me when the doctor walked in and said what has changed so much for me. she told me i had mild pre eclampsia, i had protein of 542 in my urine and it was best i stayed at hospital for the next 9 weeks til baby was 37 weeks or if needed to, they would deliver Liam in a emergency c section. Everything was so fast that i had no idea what dr was talking about, all i remember saying to her is that i wanted to go home and i couldnt stay here for 9 weeks. I asked her what was the worst that could happen from having this and she said death for me or baby... it's like my heart, world, everything stopped and turned dark... what the heck happened? i had been feeling okay, my weight was fine, i had no diabetes, baby was growing, how could i end up with this disease that could hurt us so much?! i was in complete denial of staying, i felt like i was being put to jail and i had no right to leave the hospital floor. the doctor left quickly and i was there left with so much anger, i just told my parents what we were told but mom tried to be supportive and said we were in the best place to make sure we would be okay. Her and dad then went to the store to get things for me, i had nothing, no toothbrush, shampoo, soap, nothing to prepare to stay for the next 9 weeks. Thats when i saw things differently... here i was in this bed so angry with myself, the doctor, everything, just being negative but i didnt get to see how this was hurting Luis. I hardly ever see him cry, hes a strong person and stays to himself, but seeing him break down and telling me he needed me to be strong for Liam made me completely snap. Why was i reacting that way if i have this horrible thing and i need to do whats best for myself and my little handsome. Little by little, things got better, i started to accept me having to stay for weeks but everytime my parents would visit and they would leave i couldnt help but get emotional because i wasn't allowed to leave, i wanted to leave with them. Mom took 3 months off work to be with me, during the day while Luis worked, she would be with me, right after work, Luis would spend the afternoon and night with me at the hospital. I would have a few visitors here and there but when the room would have more then 2 people,i felt very overwhelmed. small space, lot of people, not good haha. Every 4 hours, i would get checked on, day and night, it was tough to get good rest or good sleep. On that Sunday, one of the doctors said lets do the 24 hr test again since things have been looking good, my blood pressure was staying normal and ultrasounds were coming out good. he said there could be a chance we could go home. I didnt want to get my hopes up but secretly, i was hoping for good news. The next day, on monday, another dr came by and said my protein had actually gone up to 598 and she didnt think i would be let to go home, even if they saw the numbers the same. I was upset but expected it to happen. I had to keep hanging in there. Tuesday, Luis went to work and mom and me were in the room when my dr came in that morning. She told me that since things were all looking stable, she wanted me to get some blood work done, if they came back good, we could go home, but if not of course we'd need to continue staying. Mom got happy but i didnt want to get happy, not again. She told me not to tell no one, my dad, franco or luis so that they wouldn't get their hopes up either. Around 1pm, my nurse came in, she seemed a bit serious and said "youre going home" right away mom and me started crying! we were going home?! after 7 days and 6 nights, we could go home thanks to things being stable!! i called luis and told him he needed to come back to hospital because we were being sent home. he was so surprised and excited... he got there within 15 min lol. mom quickly started packing up when the nurse told us we were going home. From there, it meant 2 days a week going to the doctor and once a week going to high risk doctor for my ultrasounds. i have strict bed rest at home... for that, during the week, Luis and i stay at my parents so mom can help me while luis is at work. Fridays afternoon, we come home for the weekend and here i have my mister doing everything and anything for me. i dont know what i would do without my mom and my handsome. As of now, im currently 32 weeks and 6 days... ill be 33 weeks tomorrow, we pray for things to stay stable for 4 more weeks. Although last Thursday, i had a dr appt where my blood pressure came out in the 140s over 80s twice so i was sent to labor and delivery once again for 24 hr test. i was upset but i had to hide it since mom was with me, i know she was upset as well. Luis joined us within minutes and we did the same process of 4 hours checks and 24 hr urine test.the next day luis went to work and mom stayed with me at the hospital. around 4pm, the nurse came in with a paper and told me she isnt supposed to be telling us but she had written down the number of my protein results ( i was scared to see it much higher then the last 598 reading) it was 472!! it had actually went down a few points!! i wanted to cry,i looked at mom and she was already crying. i know all of this has been extremely tough, not only on me but luis and my mom. But if it wasn't for them,  God knows what would be happening or how my body would be acting if it wasn't for their constant care day and night. this journey isnt over but im doing my best to stay positive and calm. i cant say everyday im not scared because i am scared but i have a little mister that i want to meet and start my life with him and with his daddy for as many years possible with permission from God. I cant stop saying this but all i want is for the opportunity to start this new chapter in our lives with my son and my husband to see him grow, start his family and continue this intense amount of love i have for the best husband i could of been blessed with.

Your daddy is...

The most wonderful person in the whole entire world. Liam, if you ever read this, you have no idea what kind of daddy God is giving you. Since day one that I met your daddy, I knew in my heart my world would change, that he was the person for me. Something in him I could see that my heart just wanted to be with him . My heart wasn't wrong. With time, I thought I completely loved your dad but everyday he gives me a new reason why I love him even more then the day before. I always wonder why am I so blessed to have him? What have I done to deserve him. Whichever reason, I am so amazed by him everyday. These past years being with him, I've had a few downs and not once does he leave my side. It makes me realize how much strength I get next to his side. Many say I'm a strong person but now with your daddy, even when I'm scared, nothing can defeat me. I stay strong, happy, confident, and tough for him... Because of him. He's shown me so much. How to believe in myself, how to ignore those that don't matter, to be positive when times are just crumbling down, he makes me want to be a better person. When we were at the hospital for a whole week, at night when he would sleep, I couldn't help but just watch him, admire him and realize I'm never going to be alone. That I had to stay strong through all tests and procedures for him and you. Now being at home on bed rest, again, he is doing so much once more. He has to work a full time job, yet still comes home to take care of me, clean our home, wash clothes and cooks for me. Everything without one compliant or even thinking twice about doing something for me. Your dad is the person I always dreamed about, the person I would hope to one day have just like my grandma and grandpa have that undying love for each other. I hope and pray that one day my little handsome, you can follow in your dad's footsteps. I hope for one day, you grow to be a strong, confident great man. That you learn to love others, put others first, and always have your heart open to love. This world can be so tough but you'll never be alone. You have a daddy who loves you beyond words could ever say. He has loved you since the moment he found out we were having you. You'll always have your daddy's support and love to make it through anything and conquer the world. Liam, we are more then blessed to have your daddy. I can't wait til you're here with us so you can see for yourself the gift that God is giving you, the best daddy in the world.

You had us worried..

Since week 22, daddy and I can see you and feel you often. You sure do move a lot when I eat, or at night when I'm lying down. This past weekend we know how much our love for you is strong. Saturday all day, I don't remember feeling you move. We were busy that day, garage sale in the mornin and baby shower in the afternoon. But at night when we tried to see if you would move or react to daddy, you wouldn't. The next day on Sunday, since the morning I kept an eye out to see if I felt anything, but nothing. Like always I try to look online for some answers and started to see that it could be a problem if baby doesn't move for 2 days. When I told your daddy I was concerned I couldn't help the tears. I want you to be Okay and healthy and when I started to think Something may be wrong from not feeling you be your usual silly self, it had me so scared but I kept thinking positive. Monday morning I decided I needed to call the doctor, this to me was not normal feeling. When I talked to a nurse from my clinic, she told me I had to go to labor and delivery for observation. I think that scared me even more, I would of thought I just had to go to my regular doctor, why should I go to labor and delivery that's for emergencies. I called your daddy explaining what they had mentioned and he came home as soon as he could to take me. On the meantime I couldn't help the tears once again. I wanted and tried to stop, I don't want you feeling my sadness or worries but at that second, I realized how truly much I love you. I have loved you from the beginning, but wanting the best for you and having no idea what could be going on let me know that you are already my world. My little happiness. 

We got to labor and delivery and it wasn't long before they put me in a room with heart monitors in the emergency room. I quickly heard your heart beat and did get some relieve out of hearing that wonderful sound. A good while passed until we got to go get an ultrasound. I couldn't see the monitor but your daddy could. I would observe his face to see if I could notice any reaction and after s few seconds, I saw him smiling. He then whispered that you were moving a lot. That made me feel much better. The lady too was saying you wouldn't stop moving and asked if I could feel the movements but I couldn't. At one point they said you kept opening and closing your mouth like a little fishy lol. Daddy thinks you have his nose already lol. We finally got to talk to the doctor to see what could be going on, she said you looked great and probably just switched positions which she said its normal. After 4 hours we left so happy knowing you are doing good. Just had us very worried. We are so happy that you are on your way and continue to be my little strong handsome. But when you're born, you're going to time out for scaring us lol. I love you so much. 

Belly Bump

Since in my first trimester, i lost about 15 lbs, I didn't really show much. I just had my usual bloated belly but with days it was getting a bit harder. Finally by week 15 on that Sunday you became more noticeable. I try to take a pic of my belly each Sunday which is when it's a new week for me, but sometimes it's not much of a big change but thats okay. As long as you're growing in there comfortable that's fine by me. I know you have plenty of room to move around, so do what you need to my little love.

You kicked your daddy!

Yesterday i turned exactly 22 weeks! I wan to believe that since Friday i may have felt you move with my and on my belly but i was unsure since it being myself, could of been just my mind. Yesterday, your daddy was working once again on your dresser for your nursery and cleaning up your room. He wants to do as much as possible to make your room look great and fun for you. When we came to lay down, I told him I could feel you moving alot so he decided to try touching my belly to see if he felt anything. Within the few seconds that his hand was on my belly, you kicked him hard! I quickly glanced to look at him and he had a shocked face and asked if it was you moving, i said yes! he was so happy, as was I! few seconds later and you did it again!!! That moment was amazing! amazing that not only can i feel your little kicks but now your daddy can as well. I say you're already a miniature soccer player like your dad. I know that with the weeks coming, your kicks will get harder and stronger, but the fact that we both can feel you, it makes it that much closer for us to be able to hold you and spend our lifes with you.

First baby shower

On February 28, the awesome ladies from the daycare made me the first baby shower. Luis and I were there and I was excited to see all who showed up. Nadia, ester, Ana, raquel,Yvette, fanny, daisy, gabby were there and Kristen even showed up! I hadn't seen her since May! It was great seeing them there. To spend time with us to celebrate Liam. They had a table full of goodies! Cake, hot dogs, nachos, fruit, chips, and cookies. We all ate and hung out and played a few games. From there, there was a table full of gifts for our little handsome. He got a bunch of wipes, diapers, outfits, toys, blankets, diaper bag, socks, and little random stuff like bottles, lovies and so on. We loved all of the gifts. It's things like this that make us feel so great, more then anything we know our handsome is very loved.

Anatomy Scan

We had your anatomy scan when you were 20 weeks 3  days old. Many people get excited because thats the day many find out if theyre having a boy or girl. We already knew you were a boy but still, my concern was to hear that you were growing strong and healthy. We finally went to see you at the ultrasound and we saw you moving right away. You were making us laugh, we saw you with your feet on your head, you flipped from your tummy to your back and then stayed comfortable like that, you stretched completely out, you showed us your booty, you did alot of movement in that ultrasound. It made us so happy to see how entertained you were in there. She told us you weigh about 1lb. and that you definetely are a boy. you kept showing us you are a boy LOL. She then went on to check my placenta by doing a trans vaginal ultrasound bec of that bleeding i had a month ago. She said everything there looked good. That visit, we felt so happy and blessed that you are growing healthy. Your daddy says that youre already like him, yall cant stay still and calm! and no wonder i'm always tired, the way you were moving in there, no wonder, you taking up alot of my energy! it's okay, as long as youre growing. We dont know when the next ultrasound will be so we can see you, but we can't wait. We love you baby.

Your daddy's voice

I should of written this the day it happened which was on Monday but it's okay, I still remember that special moment. Since it was Monday, daddy had to be at work which left me with Gus by ourselves for a few hours. That morning/day I noticed I did not feel you move as much (which is ok too bec I know you are even if I can't feel it at all times) that day, probably the last time I felt you move was around 3pm when I was sitting down listening to some music and drawing. Finally it was time your daddy came home at 4 so gus and I went to sit in the front living room to wait for him. He arrived and When I opened the door for him and he started talking, you would not stop moving!!! Wow... I felt you move all over the place and I know it's because you were happy to know he was home with us. He kept talking and for a good maybe 10/15 min you just enjoyed and were excited to listen to daddy. That let me know you had missed his voice so much. That afternoon, we watched tv and I felt you moving again. I told your daddy to put his hand on my belly to see if he would feel you and it's as if on purpose, you hit his hand right on the palm (Hard to me ) and I asked him if he had felt it but he said he hadn't. It's okay, I know that in a few more days or short weeks, your dad will be able to feel you and he'll fall in love with you that much more. I know he already loves you so much, he has since day one, I just can't wait Til he feels you as well. 

Hello from daddy with much love

Hello my handsome little son, I say handsome even though I haven't seen you yet because it is very obvious you will be since you're my son haha. These past few months we found you will be taking over our lives have been the greatest surprise and the best feeling we could have ever wanted. We prayed to God that one day you will would come to us. Our hope and faith in God is what I believe helped this happen. Family and friends that prayed for your health. Even before you were born so many people cared and still care for you. It is such a blessing and a miracle. You know, some-days I find myself day dreaming or just wondering off into space (which I tend to do a lot) and its funny because you tend to appear in them, it literally sends a shock into my body as if it were really you I saw. When your mommy told me the big news you were coming to this world, the next day I had a dream, from that day forward I knew you were going to be a boy. I can honestly say it was the first time I heard your voice. Your mommy and I, we will take good care of you. You are our little angel. We love you so much Liam, our son

Liam Gerardo Cruz... It's a boy!

We couldn't help it any longer. We waited and waited to get pregnant and now that you're in my tummy there was no way I wanted to wait til 20 weeks!! So this was the plan. Everyone thought we wouldn't find out what we were having until Saturday the 24 which the next day I would of been 16 weeks. I had talked to the U.S. Tech and she said we could find out at 15 weeks. So on that Tuesday the 20 I was 15 weeks and 2days and off we went to the ultra sound place. As soon as the lady turned on the monitor and I saw you moving in there, the tears came. I couldn't believe how big you looked already and more then anything, in my tummy! It's still so surreal! She let us listen to the heartbeat for a few seconds and then we saw your spine. How crazy is it to see your little bones forming in there. Then it was time she said what you were. Since we got pregnant, I did believe we were having a boy but for some reason perhaps the last two weeks bef finding out I felt it would be a girl. So did Luis. She announced you are a boy!!!!! I got so happy, we knew you'd be a boy, but we were very surprised. After we left it was time to completely surprise the family. We ran to Walgreens to pick up pics of your ultrasound to give to the grandmas and pick up blue and pink balloons. When we arrived to my moms house with a bag and balloons her and dad were confused trying to figure out whose bday it was lol. When they finally opened it and saw the name Liam, mom knew it was a boy! She started crying snd they were both ecstatic. They kept saying we had them by complete surprise since they weren't expecting it till Saturday. Then we went to Luis parents and them too got balloons and a bag. They were happy as well but she kept saying she wanted a girl. I had to text my brother and Melly since we couldn't stop by that night and they too were excited that AJ will have someone to play with. When Luis and me were alone, I did get a bit emotional, I told him, what if I don't have a special bond like I maybe would of with a girl. My mom and me are the best of friends and I've learned that with time. I wanted a little best friend too. Luis assures me you will love me as much as I do which he may be right. I see how much Luis loves his mom and my brother loves my mom. I wi,, do my best, baby to show you nothing but pure love and guide you through this world so that one day you can have the heart like your daddy. Liam, we love you and can't see ourselves without you in our lives already.   Love, mom and dad.