Loosing my cool

Yesterday was your madrinas and AJ's birthday. We had a day planned of morning spend it with your Madrina and in the evening with AJ. Well, it was 8 am when I heard you through the monitor crying. I watched thinking "you'll lay down (you were standing) and go back to sleep like you usually do" it didn't happen. I went in there trying to put you back to sleep bec you never wake up that early. If you stayed awake at 8 that means by 11 you'd want your nap... We were having lunch with Madrina at 11! I rocked you to sleep while sitting but you were just looking around. I had to get up (even though I didn't want to, my back has been hurting so much for the past week!) you were starting to daze off and I thought finally! I will go get ready while you nap a bit longer! as soon as I would lay you back to the crib you would wake up screaming and crying!!! I tried many times and next thing I know it was already 920!! Multiple times, I rocked you, sat down, walked away, and it all resulted in crying. But during my moments of frustration, I would raise my voice at you. I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry that sometimes I l just loose myself and get angry. I would never hurt you, you are my little heart, but rasing my voice at you when all you want to do is sleep in my arms is not any better. I'm sure you forgot all about it but I haven't. I haven't forgotten how I get so bothered and it makes you cry. How your little cry gets so emotional and tears build up in your eyes when we hardly ever see you cry with tears. I'm sorry my little guy. I try working on myself to have patience and calmness. Like dada. But sometimes being a mommy is very hard work. I promise to work on myself. To try and show you smiles and happiness. I don't want you to grow up being afraid of me. Or being afraid of my voice like I would be when my parents would be upset with me. I know you are okay and happy because not long after, you would smile at Me. I love you Liam. I'm sorry for not being the sweetest nicest mommy I wish I could be. But I'm trying. 

Random

Your collection is growing 

Dada has you stuck in there 

We had scary rain Sunday night. Dada had the day off bec there was floods everywhere

Mama and dada only slept 2 hrs so nap time with my little guy 

Nap time is over dada 

Silly ol bear 

You were crawling on the tile and fell on your forehead 

Dadas way of having you nap

Julian was unsure why you kept crying 

We sold your rock n play but I wanted one last pic of you in it 

Haha!! You were taking a nap and we needed you to wake up bec it was late (we were at target) I found a bean bag and decided to "lay you" in it . You quickly woke 

You're 10 months and these pics are getting impossible to take!

You got to hang outside while mama got ready for the day 

On our way to the spring festival at church 

Time to play on the grass. Woohoo

Dada ate the whole thing :(

AJ you don't fit there 

Good morning lovey!

And your birthday party planning 

officially has begun

No more Disneyworld

We were 26 days away from going "Home". 

Unfortunately today ,Dada was told that they can no longer make over time at work. He would do a hour everyday. It wasn't much but that one hour would help us out so much. In reality, the trip would of cost us over I don't know, 3-4 thousand dollars. We just don't have that kind of money right now, specially without Dadas overtime.

I can't lie, it does make me sad. It makes me sad because I truly was looking to this trip. I was looking forward to seeing you react to Mickey Mouse. To the neat restaurants that we were able to score reservations too that are hard to get. To doing so many fun things that I was looking forward to, even if you are still little. This isn't Dadas fault. It's no ones fault. Unfortunately things and real life happen. Dada gives us and does so much for us. I just hope that momey being tight, that we'll be okay and dada to not stress out so much. If he's calm and happy, I'm calm and happy. 

Hopefully one day, when things are better, you can see why we love Disney so much, and get the privilege to take you. 

Brushing teeth, steps, more teeth

You're getting more teeth!! Poor baby, when are you going to get an actual break from being in pain! It seems like now you're getting a bottom tooth on the left side! Today we had your madrina, Jesus, Julian, padrino, grandparents, Erick and his gf over today. You and Julian had such a great time playing!!! I really hope you boys have a great relationship in the future. Dada was playing with you tickling your stomach and Julian must of thought you were being hurt because whenever dada would do that, he would cry and yell and then be fine when dada would stop lol. 

Yesterday we started brushing your teeth!! So far you're doing well! You even want to hold your own toothbrush now lol

Finally getting the hang of holding your own bottle!

At one point, you would wait for dada to come home during lunch so he could put you to sleep

Howdy partna 

You're staring to walk with the help of this elephant!! Maybe you will be like DAda and walk at 9 months!! Goodness

I was doing something in the kitchen and when I turned to look at you, you gave me this big ol cheesy smile like if you knew you were being silly!

Not a fan of mango!

Learning to draw with Dada

Didn't want to wake? Lol

You love this Mickey Mouse!

Oh bother lol

Road rage? Lol

Future dentist at work

Daydreamer just like Dada 

You like to hang out in your closet 

Your first Walmart sticker!!! 5 min later you had eaten half of it! Lol

Visiting your God brother 

Y'all play so great

HHa that face!

You loved playing in the sand!

And you loved bathing in it lol

Going down hill...

Whoops

Dada took Monday off, party time!

You could hide here all day

Hahahaha !!

Shirt described you well lol

Few nights ago, you didn't want to go to sleep and kept getting upset so dada gave you my Zacky and well, ever since that night, your night and naps are spend with Zacky

Aww besitoS